passion, pain & peace

         One month has passed since my precious Nathan was born into heaven. I at times still feel like I walk around shrouded in a veil of grief, longing so much to hold a tiny babe.

       Well,  that day has come as I have returned to work.  Being a photographer of mommies-to-be and their tiny miracles is probably one of the most rewarding jobs.  I watch as they grow from being nestled in the womb, to their birth (as I am often also in the delivery room with some of my clients) capturing that first breath. I love the freshness of a newborn baby, their skin, their smell, their tiny hands and feet, rosebud lips and button noses, and how they curl up so perfectly.

       As you can imagine, from the moment I knew I was expecting I began to dream up all the things I would capture of my tiny miracle.  As each month drew near I anticipated what my baby would look like, how soft their skin would feel against mine, and the smell of baby's breath as if taken straight from heaven.  Oh how I longed to hold my baby. But that day came too soon.


      It was one month to the day that I had my first session with a 7 pound, perfectly pink, sleepy, sweet baby girl.  I held her in my arms a moment, and thought about what this day would bring.  Mom was so sweet as she watched me hold her new breath of life with longing for the one I had lost and I could feel that she understood.  I began the session taking deep breaths in between each shot.

     It seemed to flow seamlessly and before I knew it, it was over.  Mom and baby packed up and were on their way.  I felt a strange calm wash over me the entire afternoon.  I had decided to jump on my post processing right away since I wasn't sure what the next day would bring (emotionally).  As I worked through each image I studied the curves of her face, the soft pink of her cheeks, and the lines of her lips.  I considered what each frame would mean to the parents since babies change so much in the first few weeks following birth.  I wanted each expression to be captured for the parents to look back at.  Babies have personalities from the moment they are born, and this little one was no exception.


     I thought that it would be months before I would be able to return to what I love.  I was certain that once I did return I wouldn't be the same and my work wouldn't either.  I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to capture life's most amazing gift.  I am changed.  My work has changed.  I can still capture these precious subjects.

          Not a day goes by that I don't think of my baby boy, I captured him in my heart and in my mind.  I studied the curve of his face, his perfect rosebud lips, his tiny hands and feet, and the only expression he had...... which was peaceful.


And for those who are curious about the little one from my session..........