It has been a while since my last post. I have thought a lot about how I would write this post. What would I call it. Would what I say matter? Well here goes.......
There is little in this world you can count on. Some people wish on stars, others believe Karma will see them through and then there are those with Faith. I can't say I've always had faith. I can't say that over the last several years my Faith has not wavered. I can't say that there weren't moments this year were my faith was barely hanging on. And yet something was always there. Even when I denied everything I thought I believed, there was still something (Someone) there.
Why is it that I can so easily turn my faith off and on? Is that really faith? Am I trusting that God is really on my side? Am I trusting that He knows better than I? Am I trusting Him? I have spent the last several weeks really trying to grasp this concept. Trying to delve into my "faith" a little deeper.
Hebrews 11:1 Faith is both the substance of things hoped for and the evidence that things exist that are not yet perceived with the senses. Now that is the biblical definition of faith, but for me, faith is just that little bit extra. It is the relationship part that is not mentioned in this description. I don't think I could just have faith without having a relationship. Without trusting Him, without knowing Him. Having faith is something I've never really been able to describe to someone who does not. When asked the question why do you have faith, I tend to stare blankly as I have no real concrete answer. It's just there. I just do. I choose to. What would my life be without faith? Lonely. I choose to. What an awesome thing it is to choose to have faith. Choosing is also what makes it so hard. If not given the choice it wouldn't be faith, would it?
This year has been a hard one for many, myself included. I have seen, known, and felt great tragedies this year. Somethings that could defy reasonable faith. I have watched as families have been torn apart by tragedy. I have cried while I watched my husband say goodbye to our son. I have begged and pleaded for a different outcome. Wondering why this is happening. How can I have faith in the midst of such pain. How can people pick up the pieces of their broken lives and start again? And how can they do it without faith in a better tomorrow?
Faith is easy to have when everything in your life is going great. When you still have a job, when your family is healthy, when your home isn't being taken away. We can praise Him for these blessings. But when things are not going so well, we can just as easily curse His name. How in an instant can your faith be gone? How do you choose to continue your faith in the deepest pits of despair? In the places so dark you don't think He can find you? Because without it I can't go on. Learning to praise Him even in the darkest days has been the true test of my faith. To believe that He is with you on this journey, He can carry you through. That has been that most magical part of all of this. Having faith in Him even when I'm not sure I could go on another day. There are moments when I ask why. There are days when I would rather sleep the painful hours away then praise Him for another day. But I will choose to have faith, even when it seems impossible. I really don't know any other way. So my hope for 2010 is that you take a leap of faith with me. I assure you it won't always be easy. But It will be worth it........
Happy New Year.
May you be blessed with a hopeful, happy, faithful year.
You are right, we have faith because we choose to. We can choose to hold on to it despite the situation, or we can choose to let it go. It is all in our hands. No one can make us have faith, we have to choose to develop it. Happy New Year! May 2010 be your year of promises fulfilled.
ReplyDeleteHi KC,
ReplyDeleteThat was beautifully said. Faith is a mystery, and I think that it's common for people to battle with it all their lives. When I find myself doubting things, I try to just rely on this:
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
Hugs,
Lauren
Hoping the best in the new year and choosing to have faith!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that you do choose to hold on to your faith. I'm wishing you all the best next year.
ReplyDeleteFaith is all we can hold onto in this new year 2010. I am choosing faith and hope join me on this path so as we cry and remember we still have something to help us continue walking in this journey. I am with you sister in pain. Lizy from Chicago
ReplyDeletePraying for you as you continue this journey of faith. Thank you for sharing this post. God has taught me a lot about true faith, especially through the lives of our Faith, Grace, and Thomas. I used to think having faith meant never feeling doubt or fear. But He taught me that faith is about believing even when we don't see. Trusting Him to carry us when we are most afraid and filled with doubt and questions...when the answers aren't what we asked for or when there seems to be no answer at all. Keep trusting Him to carry you. He is faithful.
ReplyDeleteLove and Prayers,
Kelly
Isn't that true- so easy to praise Him when things are going so well... My husband and I were just having this conversation. We know someone who lost their daughter to cancer. She was only 10 years old and he is lost- so stuck in pain that he can't even think about God. We on the otherhand say- wow- can you imagine having been given the gift of 10 years with our angels- to see them wide-eyed- to hear their laughter- what a blessing!!! But when you are stuck in that pain- the rawness of it- it is just so very, very hard. The amazing thing is that even in those darkest of days you are never alone. I felt it when my boys were born. I felt it when I crumpled to the floor when I first held my son's ashes in my hand. I felt so alone- until I paused and could feel it- as if He were grieving with me!
ReplyDeleteAs a Christian it grew my faith- knowing that God loved us so very much to send His son- to choose that for us- it is amazing- and in time it grew my faith- losing Andrew- but to say that it did not shake my faith a bit- make me angry at God... well if I said that I would be lying- So blessed that He knows better than anyone what it feels like to lose a son- and thanks to that son- we'll know what it's like to have that blessed reunion!
Wonderful post!
Hugs-
L
(sheesh- feels like I wrote my own blog in response to your's... tee hee)
Beautiful post and beautifully written. I have so much to say, but feel like I have nothing to say on this subject. Maybe I am suppose to be still during this time.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you!!!!!
thank you for writing this. i am really struggling with my faith right now and needed to read this.
ReplyDelete